That may seem like a strange statement. Shouldn’t we treat those closest to us better than we treat strangers?
Probably so. The fact is, most of us probably don’t.
I informally polled some classes to make sure my experience didn’t vary from the norm. They all thoughtfully agreed that we tend to take those closest to ourselves for granted, which means we wind up treating strangers or acquaintances better than family.
Our whole culture is stressed
Our family lives in a stressful situation. Yes, I know, who doesn’t? Here’s the brief version of our world: our 16-year-old daughter is severely disabled, has no volitional control at all, and requires 24-hour nursing with mostly constant attention to stay alive. There is a nursing shortage. Because of that shortage, 60 to 72 hours a week (out of 168) have no nursing scheduled. My wife is partially disabled and cannot take part in our daughter’s care. Our 30-something son helps but also has a job. I have a demanding job teaching college, and I pastor a church (and I’m about to start pastoring a second one). My son or I must cover those hours.
You see my point.
Under such constant stress, in recent years we have become a bit irritated/irritable with each other.
I don’t know who started it, but I’ve noticed the last couple of months that we seem to be speaking to each other more kindly and politely. It may be as simple as being more aware of tone of voice, or consciously pausing before responding with a sarcastic remark. The sarcasm had contributed to a vicious cycle of increasing stress and tension. Unsurprisingly, treating each other at least as well as we would treat a stranger or acquaintance has reduced tension in a “virtuous cycle.”
A simple question
As I said, I don’t know who started it. And I don’t really care. I’m just grateful. It could be a useful question within your own family. Just ask yourself: “Do I speak to my spouse/child/parent/sibling at least as politely as I do to a friend or co-worker or someone I just met?”
It’s not a perfect question—after all, some people speak to strangers quite rudely! But for a lot of us, this simple question could make a profound difference in our families. You could start without waiting for anyone else.